Dr Chalmers Path to Pro - Fellowship
Fellowship isn’t just about meeting together it’s about growing, learning, and holding each other accountable. This talk looks at how small groups can make a real difference, helping us see our blind spots and encouraging us to build better habits through shared faith and support.
When we surround ourselves with people who challenge us to be better, we not only improve personally but also create a positive ripple effect in our families and communities. Real change starts with us, and fellowship gives us the strength and direction to keep moving forward.
Highlights of the Podcast
00:00 – The Foundation of Fellowship
01:30 – Change Starts with Self
03:15 – The Role of Small Groups
05:45 – Ecological Decision-Making
07:15 – Accountability and Transformation
09:55 – Building Accountability Systems
12:30 – Effective Encouragement & Correction
14:55 – The Power of Your Group
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:00:04] Okay. So the, it's kind of fun. I'm trying to figure out how to integrate all the scripture in there and what I'm doing. I want to talk about ways of working on yourself. And I want a brain in the fellowship pieces. Some of the things that I've done that have been very beneficial. This is some of the things that I think are lacking. This one of these we talked about, you know, getting your community, getting your group. So the two, the two verses that I think fit where I want to talk about our 1st John 1-3, we proclaim to you what we have seen and heard so that you may, so you also may have fellowship with us and our fellowship is with the Father and with the Son Jesus Christ. So basically it's getting together and having, you know, discussions and what not with a directed higher meaning and something that's trying to not be about yourself about something higher. And this kind of goes to one of my favorites which is I feel like I feel like all the all the scripture that I know and I really like is kind of trite but Proverbs 27 17 is iron sharpens So does one man sharpen another? The reason I want to bring these two together, when things are terrible in the world, oftentimes we look out and we think, you know, oh my gosh, the world is terrible, you know, and we have one or two thoughts either. How do I change the world or man, the worlds too big. I can't change it. And, um, you, however we look at that one.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:01:38] The big thing is that we can always change ourselves. And if we work on ourselves enough, what will end up happening is that we become the examples for the small group and then the small groups gets better and there's a small group gets better, the community gets better as the community get better, it starts kind of radiating out. And so the big thing about it is that the, when we talk about one man, iron sharpening iron and one man sharpening another, one of the things that you have to understand is that If you've ever tried to sharpen iron with a file or with a design, what happens when you're sharpening the thing is that one piece of metal is literally ripping off and tearing off parts and pieces of the finger sharpening that are not beneficial to the goal. The goal is to make a finer edge, to bring it together, to make it sharper. And the things that are in the way get ripped off. And that's kind of the big piece, if you get together with a small group of people, and I highly recommend that you form a group of people that you respect and you admire and that they live in a manner that you wish that you could emulate. The example they set for themselves in private and in public is something that you admire, that you would like to emulate. Those would be the people that you should start forming fellowships with.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:03:12] Small groups, this is one of the things that I think that the church has just nailed. Small groups is a phenomenal way to move society forward. But you have to understand, the thing I think is most important is that we don't fix society because you have no control over society. You have no over anyone else outside of yourself. You only have true control over you. Because you can fix the things that are problematic in you because you're always with you and you know if you were lying and you can hold yourself accountable. It is easier to hold yourself accountable when you have somebody to help you. See the blind spots. This is one of the things I think is fantastic. When you do any type of psychological coaching or mentorship or whatever, it's hard because... You can't tell somebody, here's your problem. Very often you have to talk to them and you have allow them to see their own issues. Because until they see it, it's a blind spot. And so until they it, they can't do anything about it. And it's funny, cause like, you'll talk to people and it's glaringly obvious what their issue is from the start. They don't see it.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:04:31] So. Helping them to find these things and then helping them to make the correction is really really important But again You have to make sure that these are people who have The right focus so the reason I like the first from the first John about how you know Hey, we're already together talk about what we've seen and what we heard and what our lives are like And we're going to tell you how to you know how to move in the right direction we're going to tell you how to move in the right direction according to what is best for Christ, what is the best for God. And so another way of saying that is we're going to ensure that the choices we make are the most ecological possible. Now ecology is a is a very interesting concept. It is the I'm going to do things that are the very best for me. I'm gonna do these things that the very best for you know the person, the small people around me like your wife, your husband, your spouse, your kids. And then I'm going to do those decisions that are best for the small community around me, my state, my government, like, you know, the world, that's how ecological function works. And if these decisions are the best for everybody all the way through, then it's a great way to move. And that's the ecological function.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:05:42] And that would be the representation of bringing God in, because the idea is that if God is on board with the decision that it is best for about it. I would I would caution you to um, re-evaluate over and over and make sure that if your decisions, somehow you believe that God is telling you that someone else needs to be hurt or murdered or anything like that, I would highly recommend that you rethink that over and, over and overhead. Um, because that has most likely, uh, that most likely needs to be rethought and re-planned. But um if you decide that you need to get rid of the old you, and yeah, that'd be fantastic. Because a lot of times what happens, it's funny, I met with an old friend yesterday, TJ McLeod, and it was funny, we don't agree on everything, but I respect the hell out of him. Great guy. I've known him since I was like in fifth or sixth grade. The type of guy who like takes his family and moves to Nicaragua so that he can help open up medical clinics. And help people get care for seven dollars like as someone who works in health care i'm like you can't walk in my you can't call me for seven dollar so to be able to provide care for seven dollars is amazing so great human being fantastic guy.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:07:14] That's the type of thing that you need to make sure of is that when you're creating your group, does everybody think exactly like you? Can you be held accountable for things? Because at the end of the day, you're gonna have blind spots that you're not gonna see. And it takes somebody who thinks a little bit differently than you to see those blind spots, you know, hey, here's the thing. Here's the thing you should look at and here's the thing you work on. And TJ and I were talking about how the person that we were, you know, he was talking about you and he was just like, everybody knew you as the football player in high school. And he was like, I don't think anybody knows you as the football player now. Because you've kind of, you've changed. That part of you is gone and this part of is new. And it was funny because I've seen those separations of myself before. I'm like, yeah, because I still was like, well back when I was drinking. And you know, because it's not like I have any moral qualms with other people drinking. It's like, I still give people tequila whenever I go to parties. But it was just a different part of my life that doesn't serve any more and I've kind of gotten to do other things. But that's the type of thing. So you need to find the things that are in you and you need have this community around you that kind of helps you when you are ready.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:08:26] Find the things you need work on and then have them help you. Move into the positions where you can start to affect change in those areas. And this is going to be a smaller group. This isn't going to just be random people. This has to be people that you respect and you honor and you feel worthy of making change with and for. So, you know, with what we've seen with Charlie's assassination, I think that a lot of I'm sorry, kind of, it was a great wake-up call out. Am I living my life to the point where I should? Like, am I going to be more proud of myself tomorrow than I am today? Have I moved in the direction I'm supposed to move? And am I becoming the person that I need to be? And that is, I think, one of those things that we should start to look for is, how can we make ourselves better for the community around us? What can we do in and of ourselves to make changes within ourselves to better everybody around us. Uh, that would be the, that would be, the, the big push that I think that we should start coming together and looking for is, you know, if you're like, man, I really respect to Charlie for these qualities, fantastic list out whatever the qualities are. Um, you know, like he was really well educated or he was very kind or he, was very patient or whichever of the things that you find that you liked about him or anybody else doesn't have to be Charlie. Um,.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:09:55] And then try to figure out how am I going to implement those things in my life? Like if I see in someone else, you know, I see dedication, this person, I see, you, know, fulfillment and whatever I see, love and this person. How is it that you would then emulate that in your, how would you become more loving, more kind, more peaceful and put that together, um, and go to your group and say, Hey, you now, I've decided that my, my world would be, that would benefit from me being more peaceful, more time. And then sit down and say, here's the definition of what I mean by that. Uh, and here's, here are some examples of how I believe that that would fit into what I think I need to change my personality and my person too. And then ask your group, help me be accountable to these things. Help me, you know, find ways I knew these things and when I do these things well, specifically, if you've noticed that I did something out of normal character that was more in line with being these things, peaceful, kind, whatever. Make sure you tell me that you saw it and I did a good job. Make sure that somebody's giving you that positive reinforcement.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:11:02] And then when you step outside the bounds, you need to make sure that these people hold you accountable. And say, hey, when I am not these things make sure I know. Like, tell me. And then I would make sure that you talk to these people and go, if they don't, if these aren't great, close friends of yours, and you know if they are, it's great practice, and go here is how I would prefer to be reprimanded. Like, here's how I'd like for you to point out that I am not doing the things that I asked you to help me set forth. This is probably the best way to do this. Like, I've worked with people on this a lot. You know, I helped coach people on these. And this works really, really well. Now, here is the most crucial piece to all of these things. When your friends ask you to help them be better at a thing, then call them out on their stuff and praise them. Again, big important part, praise them, you gotta have carrot and stick here, right? Like if someone does something good and you never praise them but you've always condemned them when they do something bad, it's really not beneficial to producing the change we want as kids, as adults, it's our program. You gotta give the dopamine. And then you've got to give the negativity. You're going to be like, hey, I saw you do this the other day. Not something I think that you would have normally done. Really good job moving towards being whatever it is you're trying to do.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:12:28] And then later, if you do something that is contrary to the desired goal, you want your friends, you want those people that you have enlisted in this option to be like, Hey, remember how you told me you were trying to be nicer? You're like, yeah. Right. You recognize that this thing here probably is not pushing you towards that goal. Had you done it this way, it might be a little bit easier, might be taken a little better. The person I have that helps me with that more than anybody is my wife. Because I would be like, I'll tell her, but this happens, so I think we're going to say this. And she's like, OK, you could do that. Or you could say it this. And I'm always like, oh, that's much better. That does not get up. That does much less poke people in the eye. So you can enlist your spouse. Just make sure that you guys have the conversation of how you like to be reprimanded and how you like to be praised, because these are very, very important. And if you're working with somebody on this, focus on those two things. Like, this is just like the love languages thing, right? Like, if you're like, I don't know how, you know, patting him on the head, physically patting on the him on head is gonna be, you know make him do these things more. It doesn't matter if you, if you don't understand it, it doesn't really matter. If you're, like, this wouldn't motivate me. That doesn't even matter.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:13:51] If it motivates the other person in a positive manner, or it pushes them away from something from a negative manner, that's how they need to be motivated. And maybe you need to, maybe, you, know, some of you guys need to kind of figure out how how it is that you are motivated. Like a lot of people don't even know. So that might be the first that is figuring out, what is your carrot, what is you stick, and how are you best communicated with and motivated. But this would be the big thing. I think a lot people are wanting to be better there. People are talking about, I'm gonna start reading my Bible, and that's phenomenal. And people are like, I'm going to go to church, and that is phenomenal. Or, you know, I'm going to go do these things. I'm gonna go help out. I'm to do these. Things, you know, great, phenomenal. If you're trying to be a better person, that is amazing. If you try to work on yourself again, amazing. Um, but I'll tell you the things that have helped me the most is this is the group of people that I have been able to associate with. Um, the guys that I've been able to go to and then like, Hey, you know, what's going on with XYZ? Uh,.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:14:51] And it's funny whenever I talk to, to Nathan Rossi or Christy Miller. And Christina and, you know, my guys from ReForge and stuff like that, it's funny because I'll say something to Nathan or Kristy and they'll be like, okay, all right, and they're like, well, Nathan, and I'm like, I don't know, I'm not going to do that, and we're like, that's great, that great, but if you did know, what would you say? And it's become this thing where we all kind of laugh now because it's part of the NLP practitioner and master practitioner training we went through. But it's fantastic and I am, I know that I'm becoming a better person and I know I'm getting closer to my goals because of the group that I have that helps to shape and move me and I hate to tell you this, but you're great group is shaping you and moving you regardless of how you set it up. You know, they always, you know, They always tell you if you're in a group with five with you know five millionaires you'll be the sixth. If you're hanging out with five alcoholics, you'll be the sixth. Your group is going to program you to be like them. Your group will program you to do things. If you recognize that you're going to be programmed, you can then choose the group of people you hang out with since you're programmed in a manner that is beneficial to you and to your world and to you life.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:16:10] So I would highly recommend that you evaluate who you want to be, evaluate the characteristics and the values that you wish to uphold. Find your friends that uphold those values, and if you can't find any, go meet new people, and then hang out with those people so that the values and the qualities that you admire and that you would like to see more of in yourself, you can acquire from the people that you're in fellowship with, the people that you are surrounded with. So that would be the big thing. So like the whole, you know, we're gonna share what we've seen and heard and done. If you hang out with the guys who have seen and heard and done great things that are all pointed in the same direction, in this case, towards Christ, then the chances that you are also gonna end up being pointed in that same direction are very high.
Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:17:01] So that would be the thing I would say if you're looking for fellowship, if you are looking for a group, if you looking to change your life, the best thing to do is to take personal responsibility and then find a group of people who are moving in the direction that you think you need to go to change your life and hang out them. And have them help you change your life in the manner that they reflect in the example. So that would be the thing I would tell you on fellowship. I think that it's something that we need more than anything right now. And this is the thing that we've missed. We've lost our groups of men, we've lost groups of women. If we can get these groups rebuilt and pointed in the right direction, I think we can all make changes within ourselves that will benefit the society around us. So if you guys have any questions, questions at ChalmersWellness.com. You guys can send us the ends. But that is, you know, that's one of the things that we try to, you know, foster and grow here. So it's a fantastic day. Thanks for your time.
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